Saturday, March 15, 2014

Seeing His Eyes

Seeing His Eyes

My husband's eyes have been closed.  I find that I long for that connection that I feel when our eyes lock.

I think of the times when my husband's gentle sideways smile makes his eyes sparkle when they connect with mine.  When he is right next to me, when he is on stage, when he is across the room, and our eyes connect, I feel our love.

I sit here in a folding chair or recliner, watching my husband's chest rise and fall, watching numbers on machines, studying his face for signs that he knows I am here by his side.  Wayne's eyes closed and stayed that way when he was intubated.  Along with the ventilator came more than what I can seem to count of "bags of help", that were hooked up to him, ranging from antibiotics to pain medicine to blood pressure medicines.  He has the flu, dehydration, and 2 strains of pneumonia, with practically no immune system.  And then there are complications as well as from the cancer.  

Wayne's spirit, faith, and determination are strong, but his body is incredibly weak and sick.  It is hard to be a bystander, but I hope my presence provides comfort. The presence of your prayers seem to be unending as well, and I read your messages to him in quiet comfort.

So, here I sit and wait for my husband's eyes to connect with mine.

Over the days, the number of meds have been reduced including the pain medicine that makes Wayne sleepy.  His liver processes this medicine slowly so I wait for it to wear off, and on day 5 Wayne's eyes opened briefly as they prepared him for a pic line.  

And, on day 6, Wayne's eyes opened in the early morning and we talked. We talked with nods of the head and I looked at his eyes.   My eyes and heart swell with emotion for there he is; my husband; my best friend.  I missed his eyes.

His alertness is a blessing.  However, now that he is alert, he is frustrated.  He cannot speak and he cannot eat via his mouth.  The feeding tube and a letter chart help, but he is still frustrated.  We are still glad that he can now communicate, even if limited.

My eyes connect to his and I explain the best that I can.  My heart and eyes swell with emotion again.  He asks for prayer and so we pray; praying for peace, comfort, rest, for full breaths, and for healing.  We turn our eyes to Jesus, looking at Him, the source of mercy, comfort, and grace.

Reflection Verses:

I lift up my eyes to you, to you who sit enthroned in heaven. (Psalm 123:1 NIV)

Then at last the people will look to their Creator and turn their eyes to the Holy One of Israel. (Isaiah 17:7 NLT)

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