This has been a difficult couple of weeks. We have been in the hospital 16 days. My husband has made some miraculous gains and we have had some time to communicate. However, Wayne's physical body is still weak, and an "emotional roller coaster" is the best way to describe this journey.
Our focus has been comfort and healing. Please forgive me for not sharing all information. I felt it was in the best interest of our family's privacy, and we truly have not known what to expect each day. Wayne has surprised the doctors, and each day here has had a very distinct purpose or memory that will be remembered and cherished. Wayne has shared God, even without the use of words.
The past few days Wayne has slept most of the time. He barely communicates, if at all. His lungs still have fluid in them, his kidneys are not working so fluids build up in his body, his stomach does not digest food, and the cancer (which is not treatable anymore) is growing. Wayne does not want you to see him this way. I know he wants you to remember him running, conducting, playing, praising, and showing that smirky smile that we all love.
The hospital is a very noisy place. It is hard to rest and to feel at peace. People are in and out of the room day and night. Wayne was told that he could not go home because of the ventilator, so we brought home to him in the hospital.
After talk with the care team, we decided to try and see if Wayne could breathe on his own off of the ventilator. (He had shown this capability during short tests.) If he could do this well enough, then we could take the chance of moving to a quieter location, so that Wayne's body could let go according to God's timing, and not ours.
The hospital family has become our extended family. Nurses and doctors from other floors came to see us, kiss and hug us, and send us off in the ambulance. They brought us juice, coffee, and treats. This is a special moment because we can celebrate our forever bond and memories of these 16 days together. We can celebrate Wayne and the journey.
By the Grace of God, we have been able to transport Wayne to a hospice location, and so far he is maintaining his breath. From this point on we do not know how much of this precious time we have left.
The past 16 days have been so busy that we have not had peaceful rest or family time. It is for this reason that we ask to have no visitors. We know you love us and want to help. So, we ask you to pray for comfort and rest. Pray that our family time is quiet and special. Pray for the hospice staff that cares for us, and that they too see God's work in all of this.
For now, I will be quiet. No blogging, no writing, no phone calls, no texts. I am with my husband and son; for this is precious time. I will come back when there is more to tell.
Goodnight and love to you all.
Reflection Verses:
After leaving them, he went up on a mountainside to pray. (Mark 6:46 NIV)
...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (2 Corinthians 1:4 NIV)
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