Sunday, February 16, 2014

Having the Words

Having the Words

Sometimes I do not have words in response to "how are you?", because I really don't know.  Sometimes my words are about how many times my husband has thrown up from chemo and I start talking to you about it.  Awkward ... These are the words of this time, and if you ask me, you might get information you did not necessarily want to hear.  I laugh at myself because I then think "I don't know some of those people very well and here I am talking about vomiting.  Put on your filter, Lisa!"  Sometimes other people do not have the words to say to me either ... And that is okay... I love you anyways.  I know it can be awkward to talk to me, especially about hard things.  And, especially when you catch me at a moment when I am about to or am bursting into tears.

I struggle with optimism at times, if I stop and think, then the burden seems too heavy.  I find myself with a complete loss for words.  My head sometimes is full of worry and uncertainty.  It is not a loss of faith or hope, but perhaps a moment of weakness, distraction, or uncertainty where I stumble.  Or, I simply just need time to process; to think.  Being or feeling weak doesn't mean I have lost hope or faith, but it is an opportunity to refocus and to continue to lean on, be carried by, and pray to God.  Thank you God that you are merciful and there to pick me up again.

Ultimately, I know you are praying for Wayne, my family, us, me.  And, you ask how we are because you care.  I just do not always have the words to respond.

I have many rough drafts of posts for this blog that sit started, unfinished, waiting for words.  Waiting for the opportunity to reflect and form thoughts about what I am feeling.  So, I pick up my journal, or my phone, or sit at my computer, or bow my head to pray, and the words come again. I reconnect to God.

God nudges me gently and I do eventually find the words to say, the words to write, and the words to share.  His timing is right.  His Word is always there too.

Reflection Verses:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18 NIV)

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5 NIV)

Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours: Grace and peace be yours in abundancethrough the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (2 Peter 1:1-2 NIV)

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