Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The C-Word

The C-Word:

Well THE INFORMATION is known.  It has a name. It is colon cancer, metatastic on the liver.

This week is a whirlwind, where we have been tossed upside down and shaken, thrown sideways, and backwards, and have had our heads jumbled with information; information that uses words that I don't always fully understand.  When I am stressed, I don't hear as well, so I ask questions A LOT, repeat what I hear, and write it down.  This is something that I can manage. . . I am a "details-person".   

The introvert has been locked up (and keeps knocking at the door), and I am becoming bolder, because I need to know things, and I need to ask for them.  It is hard to ask for and accept help.  We are used to just doing things on our own because we are admittedly a little stubborn (and for me - introverted).  I am a little overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from people, but I am so grateful for you.  Your prayers have comforted me, your tears have empathized with me, your encouragements have uplifted me, your hugs have warmed me, and we are finding some peace in this new journey of life.

There has been a blood transfusion, a colonoscopy, and a preop appointment already this week.  And, a mediport implantation is coming up within the next day or so.  Chemotherapy starts on Monday, along with a home nurse support the day(s) after.  Things will settle into a routine soon.  There are a lot of new experiences taking place, something I will write about in a future post.  We will have Christmas together, and it will be a blessed one, like always.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!

I pray the people we interact with on this journey are meant to cross paths with us.  I know we can be light to others among this difficult journey.  I won't be perfect, I will falter, I will struggle, but I KNOW God is holding us up.

Writing has become my creative emotional outlet.   It is my way to communicate, and reflect, and it is really just my thoughts.  I started my blogging not to get feedback from you, but as a way to have a creative outlet for what I am feeling, how I can be at peace, and to connect to life the way God wants and needs me to.  So, if you are a reader of my blog posts, thank you for joining in with me.  

While there is no known cure for cancer, there are treatments, and there is hope.  There is healing.  I also believe in miracles.  We are standing on the promises of God.  My husband wants to run again.  He wants to live life.  He (We) wants to show others that God IS good.  We are persevering.  

Love to you all...
For those of you that don't see my husband's blogging, here is an excerpt of the latest post:

In the meantime...

I will not lie to you.  If you ask me how I'm doing - be prepared for an honest answer.
I will keep teaching; and learning; and playing when I can.  Music is God's gift to me.  He will use it to lift me up, and use me to glorify him with my talent.
I am still me.  Please treat me that way.  I am not a debilitated, withering soul.

I also don't want you, readers, to say...

"I'm sorry."  Because I may ask you what you did to cause my cancer.  Don't be sorry.
"How awful."  Maybe.  But I don't want negativity around me.
"Why you?"  W e l l . . . if not me, then who would you wish it on? 
"Cancer sucks."  Maybe.  But I don't want negativity around me.
(I think you get the picture).

Those things may be true to you, but I am refusing to look at it that way.  Am I in pain?  Yes.  Am I scared.  A little.  I understand you all cope with these things in different ways.  But I am using it to God's glory, somehow. 

For more, go to his blog at

Reflection Verses:

In all these things we are more than conquerors though Him who loved us. Romans 8:37 NIV

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:114 NIV

Psalm 121:3, "He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber ..." (NIV)

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